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Secrets of Getting
the
Right Divorce For You!
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Resources for your successful divorce |
A Word About Therapy Anyone who goes
through the tremendous life upheaval of a divorce can benefit from (and quite
possibly, needs) emotional and psychological counseling from
professionals. Plus, therapists can
be a great resource, in addition to your friends, to help you process the
many decisions and steps in a divorce. You Wouldn’t Believe What He/She Did Now! Your spouse may be
mean or disgustingly sweet.
Regardless, how they behave and what they do is not a reflection of
who you are or your worth. That comes
from a much Higher Source. It’s
difficult to remember this after you’ve spent so many years listening to
their opinion. That is why it is
important to remind yourself every day of your own self-worth, separate and
distinct from your spouse. I Don’t Want a
Divorce! Anger, Depression and
Resentment are normal in this situation. However, times have changed
since the days of, "I'll never give you a divorce." Be
assured, if your spouse wants a divorce, the court will give it to him/her. So, you can make
attorneys rich by making the process ugly, or you can try to be reasonably assertive
in the settlement negotiations, work through the mourning process of the “death of a love,” and keep more of your money (and your sanity). Children in
Divorce If you and your spouse have children, you obviously
have many more reasons to be amicable. Remember, your children are probably mad at both of you
for getting a divorce (regardless of which one of you is at fault or
initiated it). They have no voice in
the process, no lawyer – thus, they have a myriad of strong emotions. Despite the unraveling of your major life
foundation, your children need you to be calm and stable more than ever. Amicable v. Ugly
Divorces No one wins in a divorce. Even if you get more assets, alimony, and
child support than you ever dreamed possible, it will usually cost you dearly
to get that result – it will cost you money, time, emotion and perhaps your
health. On the other hand, amicable does NOT
mean asking for nothing and giving your spouse everything. Amicable means working out a
reasonable solution that is best for everyone, given the situation, and lets
both of you move on with your lives. What Are My
Rights in a Divorce? You may have the right to equity
in the house, alimony, child support, parenting time, joint custody,
etc. The outcome of a divorce trial
is determined by how the judge applies the case law and statutes to your
particular set of facts. Given the time, expense and
uncertainty of trial, as well as the Court’s general disregard of the issue
of “fault” when making equitable distribution (in NJ and some other states) and
support decisions, it is often not worth it to go to trial. Rather, the settlement process is
one of measuring the settlement proposals against the likelihood of obtaining
your desired result at trial. |
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